


I Couldn't Just Leave you There

by Fnuggi



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, character death but not really, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 17:18:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5172602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fnuggi/pseuds/Fnuggi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A different take on Jim's death and resurrection in Into Darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Couldn't Just Leave you There

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to the song World War Me by Theory of a Deadman, and since it's such a perfect Jim Kirk song, I was inspired to write this.
> 
> It turned into a mckirk piece in the end, because I'm shipper trash, and I love mckirk so, so much.

Everything that they said about death was wrong, Jim noted absentmindedly as he lay in reactor chamber of the Enterprise. He could feel himself slipping away, but he was oddly at peace with it. His crew - no, his family - was safe and that was all that mattered.  
  
“I'm scared, Spock... help me not to be... how do you choose not to feel?” In the past, Jim would have hated himself for sounding so weak, but not now.  
  
“I do not know. Right now, I am failing.” Jim looks away from Spock at this. The rest of the crew is standing behind them, and Jim can see the emotions written all over their faces.  
  
“I wanted you to know why I couldn't let you die... why I went back for you…” Jim said, bringing his hand up to the glass separating him from the rest of his crew. It surprised him how much energy it took to do so, and he knew he didn’t have much time left.  
  
It seemed like a fitting end for him, Jim thought. He had spend the majority of his life living in the shadow of his dad, who gave his life for his crew. It was only fitting that he should die in the same way.  
  
“Because you are my friend” Jim closed his eyes as Spock spoke. He was so tired. It would be so easy to fall asleep, to never wake up again. But then, an image appeared in his mind. It was Bones.  
  
 _“I couldn’t just leave you there, looking all pathetic”_  
  
Jim could feel tears forming in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He had to be strong for his crew. He knew they were already suffering because of him, it would break them if they saw him cry.  
  
Releasing a last breath, Jim’s hand fell from the glass and he could feel himself struggling for each breath as he closed his eyes again.  
  


* * *

  
Jim startled awake. The last thing he remembered was lying in the radiation chamber talking to Spock. But he wasn’t there anymore. The room Jim now found himself in was white and to his left was a large window overlooking San Francisco.  
  
The next thing he noticed was how thirsty he was.  
  
“Water…” he croaked.  
  
The next thing he knew, someone was holding a cup of water to his lips. For a few moments, Jim was so focused on the feeling of the water in his mouth, that he didn’t notice who the person holding the cup was.  
  
Then it hit him. It was Bones.  
  
His Bones.  
  
Jim could have cried from relief. Although they had been friends from year, Jim had never told Bones how he felt about him. He’d always figured Bones wasn’t into men, and their friendship meant too much to Jim for him to risk it over something like that.  
  
Jim’s brows furrowed in concern as he took in the other man’s appearance. Bones looked like he hadn’t slept properly in weeks.  
  
“Bones” Jim said, trying to sit up.  
  
“I’m here, Jim. Take it easy” Bone’s hand on his shoulder pushed him back into the bed, and Jim found that he didn’t mind it as much as he’d thought he would.  
  
“Bones, I’m so sorry” Jim said, unable to keep the tears from falling.  
  
Bones swallowed, unable to look at his captain. He had never told Jim about his feelings for him. It had been a well known fact at the Academy that Jim Kirk liked sex and had a new partner every week.  
  
After his divorce, that wasn’t what he was looking for.  
  
“It’s alright, darlin’, you have nothing to be sorry for” Bones replied, trying - and failing - at keeping his voice steady.  
  
“I do” Jim insisted “I left you without telling you how I feel about you” Even though the water had helped some, Jim’s voice was still rough from not being used for weeks. But he had to tell Bones how he felt about him.  
  
“I know that I love you, I’ve known it for a long time, but I was afraid to tell you because you never seemed interested in men. I didn’t want to risk our friendship just because I couldn’t keep it in my pants” Jim bit his lip and looked away from Leonard.  
  
Bones was staring at Jim, unable to wrap his head around what he had just heard.  
  
“You idiot. you goddamn idiot” Bones said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “I love you”  
  
“You do?” Jim asked. “I didn’t think you were into men”  
  
“Yeah, well, that was the reason why my marriage fell apart” Bones replied and then added: “And after that, I just really didn’t feel up for any dates”  
  
Now that Jim thought about it, he couldn’t remember Bones going on any dates in the three years they had lived together at the Academy. They had gone out drinking together, and there had been casual touches that, in hindsight, had lingered longer than what was normal between friends. But at the time, Jim hadn’t thought anything of it.  
  
“So…” Jim said with a sigh. “What happens now?” He could feel fatigue pulling him back towards darkness. He knew it was irrational, but suddenly, he was afraid that if he did fall asleep, Bones wouldn’t be there when he woke up again.  
  
“Now you need to sleep” Bones said softly, leaning in to kiss Jim’s forehead.  
  
“Promise me you’ll be here when I wake up?” Jim asked.  
  
“Of course, darlin’”


End file.
